We MUST know who we are

Recently, at Leadership Summit, in the midst of what I call "intellectual gluttony" I was impacted with this question and challenge.  Who is it God has called my church to be?  Go and be authentic to that.

I get so frustrated when I see churches following trends simply because it worked well for another church.  (I'm three times as frustrated when I catch myself doing it.)  Who God has called that church to be is not necessarily who He has called my church to be.  So I must figure out His calling on me and follow that with as much integrity and authenticity possible. 

Ok, so that's a ton easier to talk about than to do.  More often than not we miss it. 

How do you make sure that you're staying authentic to the call and culture God has you in?

Love/Hate Relationship

I love my job.  I hate my job.  I'm not being duplicitous.  Just honest.  There are so many things to love like the people I get to share life with and share ministry with.  Like the services where "it" just works.  Like the chance to make my living doing what I'm absolutely addicted to doing anyway and used to do as a volunteer. There are so many things to love.  

And then there are the situations that always come up in ministry that just stink! (ok.... that's gone through my "baptist-girl" filter.)  Great ideas come a day late and a dollar short (or several $s).  People go bump.  Poor choices are made that negatively impact exponential numbers of people.  You see people you love suffering.  

It's so often the ministry leader's job be the one to address these situations head on when I'd really rather it be someone else's responsibility.  

The truth is, the great parts and the incredibly hard parts of ministry always leave me feeling incredibly unqualified, unprepared, incompetent and extremely humbled.  

And while I can't tell you what my reaction to the next "this was not in the art's directors handbook" situation will be (ok other than tears... those are a given).  

I can say that for today I am still praying "Bring it on, God" but with a very sober appreciation for that challenge. 

Questions

Maybe it comes with age. Somewhere along the line, I stopped having all the answers and now I feel like I have all the questions.
I think it's part maturing, part how I'm wired up and... part August.

I'm beginning to hold resentment toward August. School starts back up and schedules get back into gear, the fall ministry season is off and running and Christmas is ready to launch. Really, I shouldn't resent August. It is the month, after all, when the NFL finally graces my TV screen again!

But it is very much a month of questions. Sometimes it feels like I'm facing new questions as well as ones I had already settled months before. And then, there are questions that come out of nowhere. For me, my mind doesn't shut off neatly when the appropriate time is up. In fact, the questions don't shut off at all until they are answered. I "chew" on them while I fix dinner, do laundry, take a "relaxing" walk (right!) and even while I sleep. My mind is constantly trying to find the solution to the problem.

To be completely honest, it's exhausting. I've found a few things recently that will divert my focus for short periods of time, but nothing that will truly give me the mental rest I need until an answer is found. Maybe the answer is September. Surely by September the questions have to be answered. Right?

So, how do you deal with wrestling with unanswered questions?

Who do you sound like?

There's a phenomenon that I find fascinating. I'm sure in psychological circles it has a name. I don't really need to know that to maintain the wonder of it. The phenomenon is that we all begin to sound like the people we spend the most time with.

Over the past five years at Cypress I've discovered that I've added so many phrases to my daily "speak" that are not uniquely mine. They probably aren't even unique to the person I learned them from. But they have become mine. It's not unusual to hear me - or several other staff members - ask someone to "tease that out for me." Or to refer to a person or situation as being "golden!" And some oldies but goodies still show up from time to time, such as "And we're back." A couple of our staff members actually will play a game where they have entire conversations using "staff-speak" which is mostly credited to our boss.

This phenomenon is fun and interesting to me. There is a similar phenomenon, however, that I find truly sad and frustrating. It was illustrated in bold strokes for me recently at a wedding I attended. I found myself sitting beside a complete stranger. This complete stranger had no idea that I was a Christian, that I attended church much less was actually on staff at a church. He proceeded to tell me how his brother was a "sinner and was caught up in the ways of the world and that he had confronted him and told him that he had to change his ways or he would be headed for Hell." That's the short, slightly edited, beautified version, but you get the point.

I was aghast! (what a great opportunity to use such a cool word!) Inside a large part of me wanted to look this man dead in the face and insist on knowing "so, how did that work for you?!" I couldn't imagine anyone being compelled to want to get to know Christ based on an introduction like that. Of course, the only slightly recovered Baptist-girl in me won out and I just asked "really?"

But since then I've given lots of thought to that conversation. I wonder, do we as Christians, sometimes get so caught up in our bubble that we only let ourselves hear each other, develop our own language and eventually fail to realize what we sound like? Did this man really not care for his brother as he said? Was all that mattered to him about his brother really whether or not he ended up in heaven? What about love for him here and now as well?

Now, don't get me wrong. I definitely understand longing for our family members to be in heaven. I guess I will just always believe that there is a loving way to say things. This didn't sound like love was involved at all.

Isn't that how people are supposed to know we're Christians anyway, by our love? Or is that just some song?

Blogging about blogging (again)

This evening I have come to some realizations about why I so enjoy blogging. For me it's a combination of scrapbook, journal and platform that is directed at everyone and no one in particular all at the same time. Of course, in my case, the latter is the one who most often frequents my blogs.

Blogging is a great place for me to sort things out "out loud."

It seems lately that there is a lot running around in my head that needs some sorting. I recently attended Leadership Summit and I have thoughts, phrases, challenges from the likes of Craig Groeschel, Wendy Kopp, Catherine Rohr, and Bill Hybels bouncing around and not seeming to land anywhere just yet.

Add to that a flood of thoughts from beginning my study of the book Walking on Water by Madeline L'Engle. And the typical daily input from my devotions and the onslaught of info from news feeds, blogs I track, conversations with friends and what I've ended up with is a jumbled mental mess.

Coming out of the clutter though is the overarching theme that nothing... absolutely nothing matters more than my connection to and relationship with Christ. Nothing else can matter that much. And while there is still a lot of sorting to be done, this is The Foundation on which to start sorting. Being a math major and all, I appreciate being reminded of the "givens" in life. While the variables all scream quite loudly for my attention it is the givens that give me pause to breathe easier. And this given, is a beautiful place from which to find the direction to sort everything else out.

This morning's breakfast prayer

Normally I don't post personal stories to this blog... however this one is about prayer...


Each morning I pray with the boys before we eat breakfast. Today we ate in shifts so I was praying later with Cameron as Connor was already done and running around. This is the prayer in scripted form:

Mommy: Dear Lord, thank You for this food and for giving us a new day. Please help Cameron learn more today about what it means to be your kid...

(Connor is standing behind highchair about to release the upright lever which will send Cameron flying backward)

Mommy: NO! NO! NO!

(pregnant pause)

Connor: Amem!


That just cracks me up every time I recall it!!!

Van Gogh's Brush

Jonah 3:5 The Ninevites believed God.

Somehow in all the times I read the story of Jonah this this little phrase didn't stand out to me until today.

Jonah's the one whose been called to travel. Jonah's the one who was on a sinking ship. Jonah's the one who was swallowed by a fish and half digested. He's the one who braved it (eventually) enough to face some really scary folks in Nineveh and it was his proclamation that convinced them to repent. Right?

So why doesn't the Bible say that the Ninevites believed Jonah? That would be the proper nod to send Jonah's way after all he's been through? Right ?

But, it's not about Jonah anymore than Van Gogh's "Starry Night" was about the paint brush.

How ludicrous it would be to get all worked up over Van Gogh's paintbrush. If that paintbrush had not placed in Van Gogh's hand it would be nothing but a brush.

It works the same with Jonah and with me and with all of us. We so easily lose sight of how we are tools that God chooses to use to accomplish His purposes. As worship leaders, we've been gifted in such a way that our job is to creatively tell the story. But we forget that we're the story tellers not the author sometimes.

I so often find myself wanting the attention, the accolades, the respect and the credit when really all I've done is to tell the story, pass on the message.

We must be certain that as we tell our story that we are believable, but often that communicates best by just letting other see clearly how deeply we believe.